Originally posted 7 August 2017.
SHE'S BACK!! and the crowd are going wild! Or maybe they're just mildly jazzed?
Seriously, but. Sometimes life is a whole lot more colourful in my mind.
I've had some solid silent time. Like two months worth. And that's an okay thing to do. No need to bully myself because I'm not keeping up with a sometimes unrealistic expectation of what I'd like to do or how often I'd like to do it. A lot has change while I've been away, and at the same time, not so much.
Despite my efforts, my hair is practically the same length, and I still harbor an amazing love of cheese, but now I'm enjoying life from a lovely new little place and thanks to the move, I average about 4 loads of washing a day. Life is crazy full on, but I wanted to a short moment to talk to you about my number thirty four... start a blog.
I think I was about 13 or 14 when I started my very first blog. If in the very unlikely chance I ever re-found, I would definitely be having some MAJOR embarrassing feels. I honestly can't remember what I wrote about, other than general teenager-type-who-am-I ramblings. Not a single other soul saw it and within about 3 weeks I stopped.
Flash forward years in time, and here we have the nike list. It started out as a stand alone project. A book and a pen.
A random conversation with my sister-in-law and I decided that it could be something more. Something magical. And it has been.
This blog has given me an opportunity to realise that I have a lot to say and that it is so worth sharing. It may not be the source that solves world hunger, but if it helps touch and influence the life of just one person, that truly is an amazing blessing. Even if that life is only mine.
I've always been pretty big into journal writing. Some past journals, I've since looked backed on laughing in shame. Are all 11 year old girls the same? Boy obsessed? I loved it because I loved those memories. I wanted to remember them because at the time they were something special. It helped me capture it in a unique way that only I could.
Recently, I've become a little light on the journal writing. Truth be told, Josh currently journals more than I do, but I've found this blog to be a beautiful way of remembering these moments, these hardships and these triumphs. It's helping me to sort my emotions and filter through everything that's going on, and I'm finding that to be a great blessing!
Big on journal writing - yes, but journal sharing, not so much. I used to keep myself pretty tightly nit amongst my closest friends and my immediate family. I didn't really know any other way.
Life has since taught me that I can do things a little differently. I can be open without being overbearing or an oversharer. Honestly, I'm just trying to be real.
I am not happy all the time. I get frustrated when I can't get technology to work. I get grumpy when I haven't eaten. And lately I struggle not to compare the progress of other's lives to my own.
For reals! Life is currently a bit of a battle for me. This blog has given me an avenue to break that ever present, but totally false idea that everyone has it all together all the time. WE DON'T.
In doing so, I have experienced something ridiculously cool! Others love it! From the get go I created this blog for me. Just me. But as I've blogged I've had people reach out to me in comments or messages or face to face telling me their stories, their experiences, their enjoyment in following my blog. Initially a blog where I talk and people read seems so one sided, but for me its opened up conversations with people I probably never would have had before.
Lastly, this blog has given me space to learn a little bit more about my list. When I first started I didn't know much about it at all. All I really knew is what it wasn't. It wasn't a bucket list and it wasn't a glorified to-do list that would sit in a book waiting for the 'right time'.
Now, I know that it is a journey. It's a lifestyle and its an attitude. Sometimes I spend a little too much time as Procrastinating Penny, but mostly I try to 'just do it'. It's my map to creating the life that I want now and forever.
The catalyst behind the creation of the nike list was another failed pregnancy. It was a small glimmer of future when life seemed tough and dark and confusing. For quite a while it was a miracle.
The shiny-miracle-likeness started to wear as life has continued contrary to how I have hoped. Sometimes it seems hard. Not just doing my nike list, but doing life without feeling weighed down. On those days, the list is a reminder of what I want for myself and what is possible when I'm ready.
I want to finish with a big thank you! I'm pretty sure that I would still write even if no one was reading, but the love and encouragement and comments from all that read make it all the easier to keep writing and ignore the insecure thoughts in my mind. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Here's to keeping it real and hoping for happy days!
